How to be happy?

You control your happiness.

People ask me these question often “Why am I always happy?”, “Why am I smiling all the time?”, “Why am I so excited?”. I often think and want to ask people “Why are you so aggressive?”, “Why are you angry?”, “Why are you down?”, “Why are you not happy?”. See, its hard for me to imagine not being happy. I thought hard to learn why am I happy in general? I learned that there are some things I do consistently without even thinking that make me happy. I will list them here with examples from my life on each of them.

1. Block out negativity, negative talk, negative people. Few days ago a friend and I were talking about one of our workout classes and she mentioned that one guy was being rude to me and I didn’t recall that at all and asked her to explain more so I could remember. She said “When you went to look at the exercise board, the guy told me that the board hasn’t changed.”. I recalled he did say that but I didn’t even try to think why he was saying that, I assumed he was just giving me a fact. Recently I was having coffee with another friend and she said “Hey why did you not say anything to that guy who was being angry at you for using the muscle gun? I had to think again when did that happen. The guy did come and say something but I didn’t really focus on what he was saying. This happens a lot with me that people come and ask me why didn’t I react to someone’s negative talk or comment and all I can respond is “I didn’t even know someone was saying something negative”.
2. Surround yourself with positive, kind and motivated people. My close friends always have 2 of the three qualities, they have to be positive and kind, motivated just adds cream on top. Someone can be positive but if they are not kind, I wont feel happy around them. I do not like it when people can’t notice pain, suffering of others and at-least feel sympathy. Someone can be kind but if they are not positive, I wouldn’t be happy around them either. I believe that everything happens for a good reason. I like to believe that there is more good in world than there is bad. I love when someone is motivated along with positive and kind. All my closest friends have all three qualities and I am so fortunate to have these friends. When I am surrounded by my friends, I want to feel inspired and pumped and be more like them. I workout at a gym that is more of a community of competitive and motivated athletes who not only compete but support and motivate others to become better.
3. Forgive fast, Don’t hold anger, enmity or grudge. Everyone says things that they don’t mean and make mistakes. It has happened many times with me when someone betrayed me or tried to hurt me but when they realize and come back to their senses, I forgive and forget but I stay cautious. I have many examples, the recent one being my ex husband. I got divorced last year. My ex husband was, let me just say less than nice and still gives me hard time, we have a son together. I ignore what he does and says and try to do the right thing. Knowing that I always followed the right path makes me happy. I know most people eventually realize and come to senses after they have been angry. I had a coworker and I noticed she was not being normal with me so I decided to ask her if there was any problem and all she said was “I wont let you be successful in this company” and then she went on trying to get me fired by blaming some stuff on me but it didn’t work and eventually she decided to leave the company. I tried to arrange farewell lunch for her and tried to talk with her again. I wanted to understand what she was going through. I tried to talk with other people to convince her to not leave in anger, I wasn’t successful, she left the company but I know I tried, I did the right thing and that makes me happy.
4. Don’t harp on your past mistakes. I have made a lot of mistakes in past. I tried to earn money when I was a teen by sitting for other people in exams, I have dated wrong guys, married wrong person, doubted some good friends and left a good job I had in anger and many more mistakes I can’t count. But, I have learnt from those mistakes and I try to not repeat them. I do not sit and drink alcohol or stop living my life because I made those mistakes, I learned from them and make better decisions.
5. Help others. There is no better way to be happy than by helping others. I feel proud, elated and happy every time I help someone. I have a great life today not only because of my efforts but also of those who helped me throughout the life. I grew up very poor in slums of India. My classmates in school, teachers in school and college, then angel who changed my life by bringing me into his family, they all helped me get to where I am today. Their help, little or big made huge changes in my life and I want to do that for others. I want to do all I can to make other’s life better.
6. Workout. I personally feel that working out makes me happier. I feel stronger and healthier and feel that I have control over my body, mind and health because I workout.
7. Eat healthy. I love good food and I do not ignore taste for healthy food. I am a vegetarian and I cook a lot. My food is always full of vegetables, protein based on milk and plants and lot of water. I am not perfect, I do eat unhealthy on and off, there are times I drive through taco bell and get a chalupa and mango tea or drive by Mcdonalds to get french fries.
8. Sleep well. I sleep at-least 8 hours a night. We take sleep for granted, but trust me, it makes us grumpy and angry when we are tired and lack sleep.
9. Spend time playing with young kids. Kids teach us the innocence we lose as we grow. Kids speak their mind, they tell the truth, they don’t hold grudge, they don’t remain angry, they cry, forget and continue playing. I like to be reminded of all wisdom we were born with from kids everyday.
10. Don’t play victim, take responsibility of what happens in your life. I take control of situations. I don’t let people or situations define my state of mind or happiness. I don’t blame others for my failures and I give credit to those who help me get success.